Pastor Don Wolan

Pastor Donald Wolan
Downriver Christian Community Church
Melvindale, Michigan

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Christmas Banquet

Our annual church Christmas banquet has come and gone, and once again it was great fun! The fun began even before I arrived at the hall. Traveling to the banquet, my van was buffeted by a treacherous wind and blinding snow. My windshield wipers got stuck from the massive snow, so I volunteered my lovely wife to remove the excessive buildup. I stopped along the side of the road, and she exited the van to remove the snow on the front windshield. Unfortunately, my poor wife stepped into a puddle of ice and water and was immediately "baptized" up to the ankle. I'm glad for both of our sakes it wasn't a "full immersion" as required by the Bible!

After my wife removed the snow and got the front wipers working again, she got back into the van. I think she was having an "epiphany" or some type of deep religious experience because she seemed to be in some type of trance. She would not look at anyone, especially me for some reason. I sensed she wanted to be left alone in this overpowering experience, so I did not interrupt her during the entire drive.

Arriving at the hall, my wife displayed a "supernatural strength" like Samson. She opened the van door with such a mighty force it reminded me of Samson ripping the gates off the bars and hinges of the city of Gaza! What power from a woman who is of medium stature and of average strength! I sat still and quiet in my van as she made her exit still not wanting to disturb her as she was under a mighty annoying!

During the banquet, I could still see the effects of the "annoying" on my wife growing stronger and stronger. At one point, the comedian called both of us up to the stage area. He asked my wife to repeat some marriage vows after him, directing them toward me. My lovely wife, still under the "annoying," couldn't bring herself to speak! I know she would never refuse to recite marriage vows with me if given the chance, but in her present condition it was not going to happen.

After the banquet, I agreed to give a young man from the church a ride back to his home. I realized my wife was still "enjoying" the effects of the "annoying," so I tried to be considerate of her condition. I had the young man sit in the front of the van with me while my wife and daughter occupied the middle seat of the van. I thought it best that my wife be left alone to continue unhindered in her experience.

About one half mile from the banquet hall, I noticed my wife with her coat pulled around her face with only her eyes showing. I realized at that point that the "annoying" was intensifying! Old Holy Spice was the culprit. The holy fragrance was "filling the temple" of the van. My wife managed to speak in an audible but coarse voice: COULD YOU PLEASE OPEN THE WINDOWS. But, alas! Though I pushed the button with all my strength, the windows were frozen shut. I thought for a second about stopping my van and once again having my wife get out to fix the window, but a second dose of the "annoying" would surely do her and me in! Fortunately, we soon arrived home safely.

Our tongue-in-cheek escapades aside, I am so thankful once again that the Christmas Banquet was a huge success! We would like to thank everyone who made that evening a night to remember and to wish each and everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Pastor Don